Stop the Clock

There are good reasons to run away.

My life is a thing I’ve never had much control over, save to pick and choose which bits I run away from. I ran away from the consequences of defending my fiancee, from being a blacksmith into the arms of the Braid. I ran from the expectations the Braid had of me into the new world, where I ran from shiny new thing to shiny new thing.

Then Kyle ran away, because he felt he wasn’t having an effect, and at that point I decided I needed to step in. The New World needed weaverites with a grip on the future, and if I could, I’d be that. That was two years ago, more or less.

I wasn’t a good blacksmith. Did I mention that? My father’s a good blacksmith, and more. My brothers can craft the finest tools from the roughest materials, but it’s never been something I could do. I ran from home because I couldn’t live up to what everyone wanted to me, and so, when the feeling came to me in the New World, I recognised it for what it was: Cowardice.

I can justify it. With me gone, someone will try to take over what I do, or what they think I do. Someone else can be the voice everyone agrees with but nobody listens to, someone else can shout into the darkness hoping for a reply. Someone else can be the focused target to blame for a thousand decisions he hasn’t made.Someone else can fail by degrees.

So, I made a plan. Set a schedule. Decided that was too official. Set a timetable, and decided that a timetable with one thing on it was not a timetable.

Set a deadline.

Told nobody.

It was simple. I would continue shouting into the void for nine months from the start of this festival. If my lady decided not to answer? if it really was an empty void? I would assume she had abandoned me, and vacate so that someone could try something right. Go back to normal life, making clocks for the millenese or something. Stay in the new world, but leave the events to Amelia.

It was Amaranth who got there first. The gods were listening. My lady could hear me, and wanted me to do this thing, and had sent down not just an eidolon, but all the eidolons who could hear her to help.

My reaction may have seemed odd, to those outside my head. I fell over laughing. My lady could hear me!

Unfortunately, it was for something I could do nothing about at this festival, nobody was here to answer the questions I had. My lady wanted me to do something, and it was beyond my ability. A position I recognise, but I have a different solution than just to run away again.

It’s time to get better.

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